Author Archives: crypticexistence

About crypticexistence

Have a desire to pen down my thoughts, scribble vague ideas, question why life is the way it is, why do we live the way we live, and try to find answers in this cryptic world. Writing gives an outlet to my thoughts - some of which may not resonate with the rest of the world, but still are my thoughts, my beliefs, my reasons. I believe, that just because a thought may not reverberate with the world, does not make that thought wrong. It only means that one has the strength to speak up against what everyone else believes to be the "norm". And trust me, standing alone with you beliefs, against the incorrect norms and living the right, requires courage which few may have.

Awaiting….

An ode to what you did one day.

Now its my turn and is here to stay..


I’ll await the day when you wont shy away from spelling out your trouble..

I’ll await the day when you’ll not keep me in the unknown bubble.. 

 

I’ll await the day when you’ll be confident of us..

I’ll await the day when you’ll not be holding on the fears thus..

 

I’ll await  the day when you’ll know that not only happiness but sorrows also I seek to share..

I’ll await the day when you’ll know that its both the yin and yang that i care.. 

 

I’ll await the day when you’ll let me feel the scorching sun and not shield me with light of moon..

I’ll await the day when you’ll let me face the bane and not only fence me with the boon..

 

I’ll await the day when you’ll truly know what you are to me and your worth in my life..

I’ll await the day when you’ll know that I fear losing you more than any strife…

 

I’ll await the day when you’ll not worry and not ask me to not dwell..

I’ll await the day when you’ll know my worry, fear and love for you are above every dark well…

 

I’ll await the day when you would believe in us and see the same dream as i do..

I’ll await the day when you would not feel any pain or if you do, share it with me too. 

 

I’ll await the day when you’ll be able to share every thought that worries you, with me..

I’ll await the day when you’ll see me not separate from you – with whom you can just be..

 

I’ll await the day the empty spaces between us will no longer stay…

I’ll await the day when time and tide will find our way…


 

With the dust of time, I had seemingly lost memory of this,

But this came back right in, with touch of his…

 

Dedicated to you – what you gave me and taught me love can be true,

And trust me when I say, its always and always only you..

 

Bryan Adams – Everything I do, I do it for you…

Look into my eyes
You will see
What you mean to me
Search your heart
Search your soul
And when you find me there, you’ll search no more
Don’t tell me it’s not worth tryin’ for
You can’t tell me it’s not worth dyin’ for
You know it’s true
Everything I do
I do it for you
Don’t tell me it’s not worth fightin’ for
I can’t help it, there’s nothin’ I want more
You know it’s true
Everything I do
I do it for you
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Categories: Life, My Poetry | Leave a comment

This day, that year – one plus one

ayear

Could you disagree? Our past makes our present and heck, does’nt spare even the future.

If an year can do a lot to a person, what can one plus one, do?

Some things change, some don’t.
Some want to change, that we won’t.

Some changes are happy, some are not.
Some are planned, some destiny got.

Yes this is ‘that’ day of the year. This date, in this year, in the coming year and in every other year.. This date that year, brought with it, the turning point of my life. Should I say the day on which I took the first step towards catastrophe or towards life.

This day that year, had a pounding, anxious heart and an apprehensive mind.
This day this year, have a pounding but a betrayed heart and a mind of a confused kind.

This day that year, took the first step towards the biggest mistake.
This day this year, took the first step towards the biggest decision I undertake.

This day that year, flew (literally) to a (assumed) beginning.
This day this year, crawled to a (definite) end.

This day that year, marked a presumed happy moment.
This day this year, definitely marked a moment that never really went.

This day that year, the next day brought butterflies and anticipation.
This day this year, wondered what was the commotion.

This day that year, eager for its arrival.
This day this year, I feared and detested my survival.

Not surprisingly, both arrived with a tornado and left quietly but not before devastating it all.

This day that year, first time life relinquished.
This day this year, still work in progress, from getting squished.

This day that year, was pretty, happy, content, and smiling.
This day this year, am ruffled, lacklustred, broken and whining.

This day that year, was cheerful, lively, effervescent, chirpy, beaming of dreams and happiness, hopes and aspirations.
This day this year, sees me fearful, complacent, resigned, weak, timid, lost hopes and only questions.

However, there certainly are few things that thankfully (and ever gratefully) always remain.

This day that year, I detested dishonesty, untruthfulness, self-absorption, manipulation and conniving.
This day this year, I abhor those and to forget and to forgive is unbecoming.

This day that year, had a logical and sane mind with dashes of insanity that led to catastrophe.
This day this year, I live with an upgraded myself where life is a trophy.

This day that year, the material and means were abundant.
This day this year, I continue to be thankful enough for the quantum.

This day that year, was valued by surroundings and I mattered.
This day this year, I continue to be a more valued and certainly not battered.

This day that year, was someone wise who had’nt stumbled big on any of her doings.
This day this year, am wiser who has seen it all (stumbled, fell, fractured and reconstructed) on her biggest misdoing.

This day that year, a Karma and the circle of life believer.
This day this year,  while trying to hold on to that faith but becoming a unbeliever.

And most importantly, and ever grateful I am that…

This day that year, with me were loved ones in new beginnings.
This day this year, all love’s not lost with my loved ones in newer beginnings.

This day that year, marked the end of one me.
This day this year, starts the best version of the newer me.

Out of the many lives lived and to be lived in this short journey called life,
I shall be grateful to end this part of my life that I shall call strife!

And for these I shall remain forever grateful and eternally thankful to the universe.

However, little do we know how rocky is the road that lies ahead. As the plays of the universe are predestined.

This day that year when really dawned ended up being the worst day, in retrospect . Will this day this year (a day so utterly resisted and feared), end up being the best day, when i introspect?

Only the coming years I shall know, as did the two gone by have shown.

And on this day, as I look back year after year, with only few regrets which also happen to be the only few I wish –

I wish this day that year had been another regular day and not been THE day, life would more sorted than it is the way.

How I wish that day would have never occurred, then this day would have never bothered.

How I wish that day would be wiped, filling this day with no gripe.

How I wish if that day had not been what it was, then today would not have been what it is!

Categories: Life's Graffiti | 4 Comments

Of a never-ending struggle

Why do my words seem so jumbled, when I actually get to penning them down?
Why does everything seem blur, when I intentionally open my eyes to see them?
Why does every thought in my mind begin to confuse me, when I carefully decide to analyze?
Why does everything suddenly seem so complicated and scary, when I deliberately aim to bring in changes?
Why do people and situations start to intimidate, when I courageously gather myself to face them all?

Am I struggling? I have been.

And Yes, I am!

Struggling with emotions – in the never ending pursuit of happiness.
Struggling with righteousness – the nails of karma, conscience, right & wrongs hammered into my mind, while being surrounded with unapologetic atrocities.
Struggling with situations – thrust upon with little fault of mine.
Struggling with people – some of whom mistakenly chosen, some was given no choice for and some who chose not to choose me.
Struggling to cope – with lack of firmness and misdoings.
Struggling with life – thankfully, not to live.
Struggling for survival!

Will I overcome? Time will tell. The struggle’s on & goes on and on!

Categories: Life | Leave a comment

When I am gone

When_I_m_gone

Your tears will flow,
But I won’t know,
Cry with me now!

You’ll utter words of praise,
I’ll neither hear nor raise,
Praise me now!

You’ll send me flowers & note,
I won’t see or dote,
Send them now!

You’ll long my voice,
But I won’t speak to your choice,
Talk to me now!

You’ll be sorry,
But I won’t be,
Apologize to me now!

You’ll crave my touch,
But I won’t budge,
Hold me now!

You’ll forget my fault,
But I won’t halt,
Forget them now!

You’ll miss me a lot,
But return will I not.
Miss me now!

You’ll have regrets,
But I won’t fret.
Acknowledge those now!

You’ll wish, you could’ve time for me,
But I won’t be free,
Be with me now!

You’ll regret, you let me go,
Neither will I come back nor will I know,
Hold on to me now!

Categories: My Poetry | Leave a comment

In my Solitude

solitudeIn my solitude, I stand,

far away in a distant land.

 

Sweltering heat, drying tears.

Unlike dreams,

coming true are fears.

 

Sweat, grime and dust.

Amidst the gloom,

someone my own, I lust.

 

Withering me, parched earth.

What I seek,

is in dearth.

 

With deafening silence abode.

In my habitat,

loneliness galore!

 

Barren land,

no footprints.

I swivel around,

Not a glint!

 

Lost I feel,

tired I am.

As I try to raise,

BAMMM!!

 

Back to the ground,

I’ve fallen,

All from the top,

right to the bottom.

 

I ask,

Is there life, is there hope?

Until when,

can I hope to cope?

 

As life and hope continue to gaze,

A mirage is what,

I seem to chase.

 

Will this solitude end?

In fading hope and years,

Who knows if…..

one summer may bend.

 

Until then,

I continue to stand,

In my solitude….

on a faraway land!

Categories: My Poetry | Leave a comment

Life : A paradox of sorts

images (5)

‘Ignorance is bliss’- I had heard,

But one living in it, is called a jerk.

Living is such a paradox here,

And then they say, the world is a sphere.

 

If this was true,

what goes, should come back to you,

But neither people nor time do.

 

They say its good to dream-

“Dream as if life’s a song”

Then they say,

“Get up and move,

life and dreams don’t get along!”

 

They say live in today, forget your past,

For your future,  raise the mast.

I say,

“Future is obscure, today’s gonna end”,

So, lets not pretend!

Truth is, “Only the past stays with you, till the end”.

 

When I question life,

I am crazy, I am being told.

But when it all thrusts upon them,

Why cannot they withhold.

 

What is life?

“Yes, i cannot understand”,

But those who do,

Still don’t give me a hand.

 

I want to fly and be free,

“You can do it –  have wings”

But then they say,

“You can’t live on a tree”.

 

Most beautiful is to be a child,

When I tried to remain one,

Why did you go wild?!

 

Its you –  who killed the child in me,

Why complain?

“The world is’nt the way it should be”.

 

“Live to the fullest,

Life is about to go”…

Then why do you tell me to go slow.

When I run, you tell me to walk,

Do you ever walk the talk!

 

When I laugh out loud,

“U laugh too much”,

And when I don’t,

“U shouldn’t be such”.

 

When You cry – Its pain.

When I do – Its insane!

 

When I don’t ask,

“U are not interested”,

And when I do,

“U just don’t get it!”

 

The paradox doesn’t end here –

What goes, never comes back,

And then they say, the world is a sphere !!!

Categories: My Poetry | Tags: | Leave a comment

Dreams are made of…

I like to sleep.

In the emptiness of the night,

there are some dreams, so serene.Dream

 

Some dark and dry,

Some that make me cry.

Some, where there is only noise,

And some that you fantasize.

 

Some take you through the alleys of Eygpt,

Others just seem so crypt.

Sometimes they lead you into a dungeon,

Others may fly you over the bridge in London.

 

Some real, Some fake,

why is that dreams are made?

Is there a story behind those images,

Or did someone write a screenplay in pages.

 

I kept wondering how to define,

Yet at the end of the night,

Those dreams were mine.

 

I saw a pyre being lighted by me,

I woke up, only to cry and cry,

Assured it will never be,

Until weeks later, it indeed was me!

 

Did someone say, dreams do come true,

Little did they tell me,

Only the nightmares do.

 

Why are dreams made?

 

To give me happiness or pain.

Some lose, some retain,

But if they were not meant to be,

Why do one I even see?

 

Those dreams where I smile, I laugh,

Those dreams where I live happily ever after,

But those are dreams though,

When I open my eyes, flow away like water.

 

I think to myself,

Why did I have to wake up?

Is there no place on earth,

Where I could live it up.

 

So, what really are dreams made of?

 

Of plastic or of silk,

why don’t I seem to remember it at will.

 

Of demons or of angels,

no one could tell.

 

Of sweetness or of bitterness,

or randomly in wilderness.

 

Of reality or of fairytales,

lasts only until you are called “Awake!”

 

Of bright colors, or full of greys,

only the grey ones seem to stay.

 

Of a bright day or a gloomy night,

something you cannot seem to fight.

 

Of cotton or of wood,

I would choose them if I could.

 

Of water or of stone,

would capture them before they were gone.

 

Of  sugar or of salt,

I wish I could know it all……………

Categories: My Poetry | Tags: | Leave a comment

Hello world!

Hello World !

Every software programmer would be very familiar with the old phrase “Hello World”, as he would have opened his eyes into the all so cryptic binary world of software seeing these two words. The first program of his life was written and here gleamed these two words on the screen. This meant that the code he had written was indeed working and these words were an evidence of that. He beamed with happiness as he had now seemed to identify the ”right path to success”. He felt it was “his” moment, his ‘eureka’ moment. Suddenly the whole world seemed to be just an order away. But was it? And this is where it all started….

Started a race….a race for winning, a target for achieving, a hunger for ruling,  a struggle for survival etc., etc., He learnt to crawl, then walk, then brisk it up, and did not realize when suddenly one day, one fine day, he was running. And running. And running. He was indeed running, but

running a race for winning,

running behind a target for achieving,

running behind a hunger for ruling,

running in a struggle for survival,

but all along, little did he realize….in the end, he was only running behind a pursuit for happyness…..

Happyness? What is this? He was always entangled in the getting to spell “happyness” correctly. Obviously, he was running to get a 10-on-10 in Dictation in primary school. Happyness was always h-a-p-p-I-n-e-s-s. Did he then care for anything beyond the obvious? For that matter, how much of it, did he care for even today?

But did it matter then?

“Obviously Not”

Happiness was never the goal of life. It was a way of life, and was implicit. It was always ‘absolutely’ there. He couldn’t care less..

But does it matter today?

“Mmmm…It surely does”

Happiness in this time, is the motto of life. It’s no longer a way of life, but a means towards life. Today, it has to be explicitly derived. It is now ‘relative’ and ‘subjective’.

Conserve and nurture happyness..It will be gone before you blink !!

Why did this definition of happiness change through his course of life. All he was doing was just running, eyes fixed on the finish line. Then where did he falter?

While running, all his energy and focus was so fixed on the finish line, that he could not see beyond the obvious finish line.

It did not occur to him that the finish line was a moving target and it kept moving away and away as soon as he thought it was getting closer and closer.

It did not occur to him that as much as he seemed to get closer and closer to the finish line, he moved farther and farther from his origin.

It did not occur to him that as much as he tried to untangle the hurdles that came his way, the more difficult it became for him to decipher the true reason behind his race.

It did not occur to him that “Hello World”  was not plain and simple as it seemed. It was encrypted with the most complex algorithms of the same binary world; the same racing track he was running on.

These two encrypted words had snatched away so much from him – the real meaning and sensation of happyness, the true sense of belonging, the real meaning and reason of existence, a rested and peaceful soul, a silent moment of leisure and freedom,  and a gamut of invaluable, lovable moments, emotions which were left behind on the origin.

As William Henry Davies beautifully puts it:

What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.

No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.

No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.

No time to turn at Beauty’s glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.

No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.

A poor life this is if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare. 

He couldn’t agree more. He couldn’t regret more….
Look for the key to de-crypt “Hello World” in the maze of the encrypted world, and decipher your cryptic existence !!
Categories: Life | 2 Comments
 
 

Just Me!

Sharing a few quotes, to give a context of my creations to you:

“We spend our lives talking about this mystery. Our Life” – Jules Renard

“Existence really is an imperfect tense that never becomes a present” – Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

“Existence is the end of endless eternity without a beginning or an end.” – Dejan Stojanoviæ

“Man is the only animal for whom his own existence is a problem which he has to solve.” – Erich Fromm

The opinions, emotions and writings are personal and not intended to change yours. To know more, read on…

Happy Reading!!

Categories: Life | Leave a comment

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