This day, that year – one plus one


I don’t think anyone could disagree to this. Our past is indeed what makes our present and heck, impacts even the future.

I wonder, if an year can do a lot to a person, what can one plus one – two full years – do to the person. Some things change, some things don’t. Some changes are happy, some are not.

Yes this is ‘that’ day of the year. This date, in this year, in the coming year and in every other year, shall always remain firmly etched in my memory. This date that year, brought with it, the biggest turning point of my life or should I say the day on which I took the first big step towards catastrophe.

  • This day that year, I had a pounding, anxious heart and an apprehensive mind. This day this year, I have a pounding but a betrayed heart and a confused mind.
  • This day that year, I took the first step towards the biggest mistake of my life. This day this year, I took the first step towards the biggest decision of my life (albeit taken by some else and thrust upon me).
  • This day that year, I flew (literally) to a (assumed) sweet union. This day this year, I forcibly crawled to a (definite) bitter end.
  • This day that year, may have marked one of the happy moments for my parents. This day this year, definitely marked the moment no one would wish anyone to see.
  • This day that year, I was looking forward with great anticipation and butterflies in my stomach the day next to this day. This day this year, I wondered on how should I react on the day arriving after it.
  • This day that year, I was eager for its arrival. This day this year, I feared and detested its arrival. And not surprisingly, both arrived, brought a tornado and left quietly but not before turning my life upside down both times.
  • This day that year, I relinquished (for the first time ever in life) the power over my life to someone else I thought I could lay trust on. This day this year, I am still working on getting that power back from that person (who effortlessly broke that blind trust I had instilled).
  • This day that year, I looked pretty, content, happy, had smiling lips, twinkle in the eye and had a head full of dark hair . This day this year, I look ruffled, lack the lustre, that smile and have a head patched with salt and pepper (thanks to the extremely stressful one plus one).
  • This day that year, I was cheerful, lively, effervescent, chirpy, beaming with confidence & dreams, and overflowing with happiness, hopes and aspirations. This day this year, sees me fearful, complacent, resigned, weak, timid, unsure and devoid of my dreams and hopes.

However, there certainly are few things that thankfully (and ever gratefully) always remain.

  • This day that year, I detested dishonesty, untruthfulness, self-absorption, manipulation and conniving. This day this year, I continue to detest rather abhor these traits, with more traits like self-conceitedness, sociopathy/narcissism, ungratefulness, randomness , its-ok-to-break-trust and who-cares attitude, added to the existing long list.
  • This day that year, I had a logical and sane mind (may have had dashes of insanity which had led me to take that decision). This day this year, I continue to have an upgraded logical and sane mind (may be with the same dashes of insanity which continues to confuse me).
  • This day that year, I had abundant material and means to own more of it if desired. This day this year, I continue to have the means and more and more of material comfort.
  • This day that year, I was valued at my workplace for being an important asset to the organisation and sought after in my field of expertise. This day this year, I continue to be a more valuable contributor (with more experience and a patent in my satchel).
  • This day that year, I was a wise person who had’nt stumbled big on any of her doings. This day this year, I am a wiser person who has seen it all (stumbled, fell, fractured, and in process of reconstruction) on the biggest misdoing of her life – for which there is no undoing.
  • This day that year, I was a firm believer in Karma and the circle of life. This day this year, I continue to hold on to that faith (albeit now solicit affirmations and evidences through life examples).
  • And most importantly, this day that year, I had loved ones by me beginning my new life. This day this year, I have the loved ones by me, beginning another new life –  one out of the many lives I have lived and will live in this one life.

And for these I shall remain forever grateful and eternally thankful to the universe.

However, little do we know how much more rocky is the road that lies ahead. The plays of the universe are predestined.

This day that year (a day so eagerly awaited) when really dawned, finally ended up being the worst day of my life . Will this day this year (a day so utterly resisted and feared), finally end up being the day where my life finally takes the biggest turn for the good.

 Only the coming years shall show (as did the two gone by have shown).

And on this day, as I look back year after year, I have only one regret which is also the only wish – I wish this day that year had been another regular day and not been THE day for me, life today would so much better than it is. How I wish that day would have never occurred. How I wish that day and all its associated misdoings and memories, get erased. How I wish if that day had not been what it was, then today would not have been what it is!

Categories: Life's Graffiti | 4 Comments

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4 thoughts on “This day, that year – one plus one

  1. Anonymous

    I know what you are saying but trust me it will get better. Life is definitely better than all the negativity that other people bring into it. Hang on in there!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi Anonymous, My grudge with life is why could’nt I be saved from letting that negativity enter into my life in the first place. Why didn’t better sense prevail then?
    And the fear is of it not getting better (if not the same as it was before catastrophe had struck).

    But nevertheless we human beings always find some silver lining to hold on to and to keep us going. Life will hopefully show me some someday.

    And ofcourse with this being my outlet and friends like you being enablers, this too shall pass!


  3. Anon

    Yes, that regret will remain, maybe forever, or atleast till you find your peace of mind. It will get better. I don’t want to show any rosy picture to you, life will be tough emotionally, but It will also get better. You will not be the same person you were before catastrophe had struck, but you will definitely be a stronger and more independent person. Accept the changes this phase has brought into you.

    Yes, this definitely shall pass!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for the support Anon! Every word makes for a lot. I just hope no one becomes a victim of the conspiracy, contradictions, lies and breakages I have been through. And again seriously thanks for being there 🙂


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